The Ex Files 1: I Dare You

‘He’s in jail. For nine months cause of the scar on his face. Violated probation.’
I looked away, pinching my skin angrily to keep myself from saying something stupid like ‘does he miss me? Did he talk about me? Does he still care about me? Did he love me? Why didn’t he come for me? I was waiting!’ Instead, I took a deep breath and looked back at his brother. He was staring at me curiously.

‘Oh,’ was all I said and he shifted his weight towards me, his hands behind his back.

‘His lawyer was tellin’ him that he could go to court over you. He could be charged with rape and shit and be in jail for the rest of his life. It’s his third strike, you know.’

I felt like throwing up.

‘I know.’
He was smirking a little and my contacts became momentarily blurry. I wished the bus would hurry up and come so that I could find a seat far away from him.

‘He’s not mad at you though. He don’t think that you had anythin’ to do with those charges.’

‘I didn’t.’

‘Yeah, well, he figures it’s your moms, right? Your dad too.’

‘Yeah.’
There was an awkward pause and I crossed my arms more tightly as I felt him staring at me again.

‘You don’t wanna press charges, do you?’

‘No! If I knew it was gonna be like this, I would have never gone out with him. I didn’t know this shit was illegal, I’m gonna be eighteen next month! How can he be charged with rape when I consented?’ I cried, not being able to contain myself.

‘It don’t matter. You was still underage. And he was twenty-three. Shit’s illegal, shawty.’

‘I know it now.’
I wanted to add fucker on the end of that but I clenched my jaw instead and thanked the superior almighty for allowing the bus to arrive finally. I pulled out my bus pass and stepped away from him as I glared down at the oncoming vehicle to keep my eyes from watering unintentionally. I breathed again when the doors opened and I stepped inside, finding a seat near the back. I put my backpack next to me so he couldn’t sit next to me but it didn’t matter; he sat behind me instead.

‘So what are you doin’ after school today?’ he asked, leaning forward onto the back of my seat.

‘Catching the bus home.’

‘Do you think you can hang out with me after? So we can talk?’
I looked back at him and my eyebrows raised.

‘So we can talk about what?’

‘You know…shit. Stuff. What happened between you and him.’
That’s none of your fucking business I thought. But I just shrugged, turning back around slowly. I couldn’t make eye contact with him without feeling nauseous. We rode in silence for about ten minutes and I put in my iPod headphones, my mind congested with a headache of thoughts and secrets that were still fresh on my bosom. How could I forget when his brother was sitting right behind me, breathing shame and disgust and obvious awareness (of something I didn’t know) right onto my quivering shoulders? It only made me confused and angry, irritated and saddened, abused and entirely forgotten. He was supposed to come for me.

A tap on the shoulder dissolved the clouds from my thoughts. I turned around.

‘Here’s my number,’ he said, handing me a slip of paper with kindergarten scratch on it. I slipped it into my pocket without looking at it. ‘I want you to call me as soon as you get out of school. Understand?’

I nodded. He was staring at me again with those curious eyes and I turned back around. His breath tickled my ear before I could blink.

‘Do you have time to talk for a minute before you head off to school?’ he asked. Why couldn’t I be left alone?

‘I don’t-‘

‘-you do. I know the schedule you had with Ty, girl. Just a few minutes, that’s it.’
He was practically begging me. Maybe he had something to tell me about Ty.

‘Okay,’ I murmured without looking back at him and the bus lurched to a stop. We got up and he stayed close behind me as I stepped down into the transit center. I clutched my backpack as he stood next to me. I narrowed my eyes impatiently.

‘So-‘

‘-so. Let’s go this way.’
He began walking up the hill, away from where I needed to catch my second bus and I bit my lips uncertainly. I felt uneasy but I wanted to know more of what was going on with Ty, and I knew he could tell me. So I followed.

‘I’m not gonna take you far,’ he said, glancing back at me and my knees felt shaky. I didn’t know if I trusted him although he did promise that he would take care of me if anything happened to Ty. I followed him into a quiet street where the shops and cafes and bookstores hadn’t opened their doors yet. He had lit up a cigarette and turned down an alley. That’s when I stopped. He kept walking for a moment before he noticed I wasn’t following him and he spun around.

‘Where are you taking me? I asked, my voice sounding unintentionally scared and weak. He started walking towards me, puffing on his cigarette, a smirk on his face again.

‘I wanna give you something, prettyface.’ My bottom lip quivered and I felt like running at him so that I could dig my nails into those ugly brown eyes of his. How dare he.

‘Give me what?’
He continued walking towards me, his eyebrows raised.

‘What do you wanna give me?!’ I screamed, my fists clenched and he took two giant strides up to me so that could blow smoke in my face. He grinned.

‘I…want…to…fuck…you. And I don’t wanna have to force you either, girl,’ he whispered, kissing my cheek. I inhaled sharply and took a step back so that I could look him dead in the eyes. It took everything I had not to spit in his face.

‘You motherfucker. You are vermin. How dare you, how fucking dare you treat me like this?’ I asked evenly, and his lips parted a little as a frown appeared on his face.

‘If I ever see your face again,’ I continued, ‘I will kill you. I’ll stab you. I’ll take my father’s gun and shoot a hole in your fucking head. I’ll cut off your dick and stuff it down your throat before I slit it. How dare you! Don’t you ever come near me again.’ I spat at his feet. ‘Ever.’

His eyes had widened and his cigarette dangled between his fingers, about to drop onto the still damp ground. He was too much of a coward to say anything. I glared at him evenly, not even realizing that my face was wet with tears. I spun around on my heels and ran back towards the transit center, knocking into people without apologizing or even looking at them. I ran all the way to my bus stop, wanting to sob into the cement because all my wounds had just been ripped open once again and I didn’t know where I was supposed to go.

I reached inside my pocket to get the number that he had given me. I didn’t even look at it before I ripped and shredded it into a million little pieces, letting the scraps float out of my hands.

I didn’t go to school that day.